Unlike what happened so many times before, this morning, instead of getting offended by her inquiries I accepted them politely as I understood her ground of questioning them. So I tried to reason with her by trying to make her understand of my situation. I remember a friend told me how important it is not to always defend ourselves from attacks addressed to us. Sometimes we ought to give in in order to get the attackers happy so we can be happy too with the outcome. Fighting fire with fire would only get everything burned out, while only certain amount of water would put out fire. We may get more chances to survive if we become a piece of wooden-log-shaped-concrete, get it?
I admit that I haven't been achieving as much as I usually did. In fact, I'm going through what maybe the hardest time in life. What makes it the hardest is that I somehow believe there's actually a pot of golden coins at the end of the rainbows. It's like I can see it but I can't get myself to it because of the huge gap separates me from it. Not that it means it's unreachable. I need to build myself a firm bridge to cross it. Of course I would need others to help me build it, but the first move has to be initially made by me...alone. So it becomes hardest because I don't get the luxuries (anymore) to lose my mind and blow up. I need to keep myself in control no matter how tough situation may get. Now that's a big challenge.
Sincerely admitting my failures has actually eased the attack and turned what could have been a long dull debate into a short peaceful discussion which ended with mutual understanding that being patient is all it takes to ace the hard tests. Giving each other enough time and spaces should be the best way to resume the journey to the end. And that was what we agreed on at the end of the discussion. So I thought at least I could move on to a higher level in this waiting game. That's one way of HIM showing me how HE help me. It's just a matter of time until I can get more help from HIM.
What made it funny is that about a couple of hours afterward, I received a text message which indicate a favorable response to what I badly need. A payment that I've been waiting for quite some time for a work I've done awhile ago may be finally transferred into my bank account tomorrow. Naturally, I could've jumped around in overjoy getting this news. But I have become sort of familiar with this kind of situation, that I tried to look at it from both sides. I too have to be aware that it may also be another test to face. I need to prepare myself to accept the possibility of it not happening on time as expected.
So again, I realize that I have decided to let myself into this condition and I need to act wisely. Not only I'm grateful of it, but I also have to be patient in waiting for it to happen. And should it really happen tomorrow, I would definitely call it a funny way of how HE works. :)
