So what am I to do when things not only don't go my way but they even seem to be against me as well?
God only knows I've been trying so hard not to lose it, for I know it might have taken me nowhere but sunk deeper otherwise. In the time like this, going berserk is not an option since the only door there is would only welcome those who keep faiths. But I can't help feeling low and losing confidence when things get worse and worse. Everything seems to fall apart as time goes by quickly and I don't have a grip on it. What did I do wrong? Or what have I been doing that it only feels as a never ending punishment I have to carry on in life?
I don't know anymore how I should react on this. Dry eyes which often look at nothing without focusing sure don't represent a strong heart. It may beat faster but it's kept silently inside while my brain is muted as its commands are simply ignored by the rest of my body. Nothing can sooth me all day....not even music who usually became a kind companion to ease pains. Advices friends try to provide only sound like unwanted junk that would trash me in any way. Good memories which often cooled me down would only direct my attention to terrible thoughts in the past.
This has been a truly fucked up day full of mental disasters.
There is a no way out but to accept them gracefully and unconditionally while still hoping I would be granted fairly at the end. It's not my place to complain anymore for I should be responsible for whatever consequences of all this. Life goes on and kind friends move on with their own problems. I realize I finally get to the point where sharing mine with other is not written in my book of life. For the time being, I should just try to go through this in my solitude. I pray for strength so I can keep walking tall to wherever I am designated to be.
